By Sona Wink and Stephen Dames Illustration by Ben Fu Affirmative by Sona Wink...

By George Murphy and Ava Lozner Illustration by Emma Finkelstein Dramatis Personae:   NOSFERATU : The dreaded one, the lord of...

By Josh Kazali and Sona Wink Affirmative:    HARK! Do ye seek Santa Claus? Aye, I’ve seen the white beard. Sit down, ye shivering boy,...

By Ava Lozner and Schuyler Daffey Illustration by Emma Finkelstein Affirmative:  Gemma scarfs down the remainder of her John Jay omelet...

By Maya Lerman and Ava Lozner Affirmative I still can’t believe I’m here at Columbia, my dream school! To stand here on Low Steps, in the...

By Lucia Dec-Prat and Ava Lozner Illustration by Ellie Hodges Affirmative When I chose my first-year dining plan, I knew what I wanted:...

Affirmative: By Dominic Wiharso Word travels fast. If you don’t want something spreading around, it’s in your best interest to lock that...

By Amogh Dimri and Molly Leahy Congratulations on being admitted to INSIDE THE SITUATION ROOM with Former United States Secretary of...

By Madison Hu and Miska Lewis Affirmative My roommate Lila is drunk in the corner mumbling the classic will.i.am lyric about “screaming...

By Stephen Dames and Anna Patchefsky Negative: As Professor Martin Hollyoke walks into the steam-heated, overcrowded Hamilton classroom,...

Never mind, I’ll find … someone like youuuuuuuu …

Negative By Leah Overstreet Please? Just for a little longer? I know, I know, this isn’t the first time I’ve asked you to hold off on...

By Hart Hallos and Phoebe Wagoner

Affirmative By Dariya Subkhanberdina It all began when I was but a wee lass: my raging horniness. By third grade, I knew that I’d spend...

Affirmative By Becky Miller Yes, a princess would absolutely smack a pigeon between the thighs to assert her dominance over her sidewalk...

By Chloë Gottlieb and Hart Hallos [inner monologue] Chloë Gottlieb: It did hurt. It hurt bad. I fear I sprained an ankle, maybe both of...

Negative by Eliza Rudalevige No, you’re not in trouble. I mean, that depends on what your definition of “trouble” is. Do your actions...

Well... Do you?

Affirmative by Daniel Seizer, Negative by Gabe Garon.

Affirmative By Sam Needleman Dear Investors, As president and sole member of the Board of Trustees of SomeOfTheHole™, America’s favorite...