Who Let the Dogs Out?

Words and Illustrations by Rachel Chin

In an ongoing series that has included campus cats and campus humans, The Blue and White now brings you a guide to campus dogs. Cut out these descriptions and photos and wander campus, panting in search of their warmth and affection. 

LOSTINE, THE QUEEN OF WIEN 

Owner: Mae Graham, CC ’18 

Dorm: Wien Hall 

Breed: American Eskimo dog 

Spotted: Longboarding in Riverside 

Claim to fame: Snapchat campus story Spring ’14 

Age: 1 

This beautiful squish nugget commands the Wien courtyard grass with noble might and dignity, gracefully acquiescing to requests to pet her imperially floofy head. When Lostine moved onto campus late last spring as Graham’s emotional support dog, she was about the size of a hand. A year later, Lostine’s puppy-like energy is balanced by a level of composure and self-control not commonly seen in the college-bound. According to Graham, Lostine is “super well-behaved.” Plus, “It’s nice to come home to loving,” Graham explains. Lostine’s loving licks quickly turned into an attempt to eat my fingers.

 

PREZDOGS: ARTHUR AND LUCY 

Owner: Lee Bollinger and his Wife 

Dorm: The President’s Mansion 

Breed: Golden Labradors 

Age: 6 years?? 

Adopted??? Cloned from Prezhair??? Puppy mill?? 

Spotted: Wien residents report spotting the dogs frolicking in Prezbo’s garden

Aside from a brief appearance at a Fireside chat in 2009, these elusive celebrities have been spotted since then as infrequently as Prezbo’s wife. In 2011, a thin, haggard-looking Arthur was photographed eating scraps off the ground during a Community Impact volunteer dinner, leading to a flurry of speculation of whether the dogs’ reclusiveness was as self-imposed as previously reported. According to a Presidential dog walker, who wishes to remain anonymous, Arthur is also given to eating his own feces. Show us the dogs, Prezbo!!!!

 

MAZE 

Owner: Aaron Hukari, Carman Residence Hall Director 

Dorm: Carman Hall 

Breed: Puggle (Pug/Beagle) 

Age: Advanced 

Adopted: Animal Haven in SoHo 

Spotted: on Amsterdam in the mornings 

Maze, who moved in last February, is known as “the Carman dog.” True to this name, says his owner, he now has “five hundred and seventy-six friends.” For Carman residents, Maze’s descents from the 13th floor likely represent the first time in Carman history that an elevator experience could be a positive one.

According to Hukari, Maze has perfected a level of chill that most of us can only aspire to. His slower pace makes the middle-aged puggle “the perfect dog for a residence hall,” says Hukari. It was likely Maze’s mellow disposition that compelled him to a fit of impassioned tail wagging and barking when I knocked on the door. Maze spends his alone-time during the day “skittering,” according to his downstairs neighbor.

 

AVON BARKSDALE ROBERTS 

Owner: Associate Professor of History and Sociomedical Sciences SK Roberts and Dr. Greer, Assistant Professor of Political Science (at Fordham University) 

Dorm: Schapiro Hall 

Breed: Beagle 

Bark style: ROOROO / ROO/ AROOROOROOROOROOROO 

Moved in: this October 

Adopted from: ASPCA 

Barksdale harbors no connections to fictional drug kingpins: his name comes from his habit of endless barking, whether he’s announcing himself or protesting his owners’ leaving the house. They insist he is silent while they’re gone, but what does anyone know of the secret life of Barksdale? A hunting dog by breed, he’s never so much on a walk as he is tracking, often several trails at once. He wanders the wilds of Riverside in perennial quest— searching. Waiting. Barking.

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