Digitalia Columbiana, Orientation 2015

These excerpts were culled from documents left on Columbia’s lab computers. We encourage our readers to submit their own digitalia finds to us, via email, at bwgossip@columbia.edu.

Ever since the Trivia Night email I sent out a few months ago when Trivia Night became FDA approved, the number of legal trivia users has greatly increased. As a result, new and disturbing side effects are coming to light.

Therefore Trivia Night now comes with a new warning notice:

If Trivia Night causes an erection lasting longer than four hours, seek immediate therapy.

I’m glad you like trivia night but you shouldn’t like it THAT much.

See ya Tuesday.

PAUL

***

CAT CARE In your home VISITS $20

COLuMBia ALuMnI

PEACE OF MiND

EXCELLENT REFERENCES

RESPONSIBLEPET

care@gmail.com

***

Having spent three summers working at the City of Malibu Department of Parks and Recreation, I bring an understanding of working in a fast-paced office setting. While assisting the development of the Quarterly Recreation Guide, I honed my skills in proofreading, copyediting, and designing. I took charge of editing and publishing the children’s book The Legacy of Mali (upcoming), a project that paired a local children’s book author and the Department of Parks and Recreation to create a children’s book about a new city park, Legacy Park.

***

To enjoy the weekend, I go to a football game between Prep and my neighborhood. During a play, my prep friends chant, “That’s alright, that’s okay, you’ll be working for us someday.” Having deep bonds of friendship on both sides, I’m shocked at the thoughtlessness of my classmates. Part of me feels ostracized, but another part of me wants to fix things; I fiercely lecture them on how wrong they are about my home. With my neighborhood friends, part of me wants to ignore what the football fans had to say, but a subtle fear that they may be right grows in my heart. I am moved and start tutoring my neighborhood friends with my used test-preparation books and showing them the social skills I learned from Dale Carnegie. I also start sharing books on body language and charisma, fascinating guides to lucid dreaming, and my favorite thrillers from Stephen King. I do this simply because it’s what friends do.

***

As part of a new program, Daniel Liss, a Junior in Columbia College, will be responding to questions from Furnald residents this week. Mr. Liss studies Computer Science and Economics. He is also the founder of GradesatCU, former Alumni Affairs Representative for the Columbia College Student Council, and a present board member of the Columbia Consulting League.

Beyond Columbia, Mr. Liss is a philatelist and builder of model boats.

He looks forward to your questions, which should be directed to askdanliss@gmail.com.

Sincerely,

Rupert Baxter

Secretatry

Daniel Liss <askdanliss@gmail.com)

to askdanliss

Our apologies,

Secretary is not spelled secretatry.

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