Curio Columbiana, May 2015

It is the stated goal of Curio Columbiana to cull from Alma Mater’s obvious and less obvious collections of great works. In this number, we present excerpts from the logs of a recent campus fraternity’s Facebook group message, in which they strategize their “clan” on the iPhone app “Clash of Clans,” a video game targeted at children. Names have been removed. 

[Redacted] named the conversation: CoCK.

so psyched to be here

Are we warring soon or can I practice my skills and expend all my troops? I’m rusty

promote me back u bitch

im a founding member

Also, UNBAN ME FUCKERS

sent u an invite

lol did u get it u btich

Gentlemen we’re in business

Welcome to the International Clan of Beta Rho Omega, a gathering of upstanding gentlemen and ruthless invaders.

lets invade in a few days tho, im tryna make tweaks

Damn boy try to save that clan castle one dragons are a bitch to train

why are you using your clan castle to farm fuckboi

you should replace your central elixir storage with your clan castle

otherwise, they could just use rogue archers to get an easy 50% on you

[Redcated] i gotchu with wizards

I already gave you wizards, my bad bro

I realized man. My fault, should have told the boys earlier. Feel bad for wasting your zards

wuts the plan in terms of bases were hitting

Dude just blitzkrieg

trying to finish up this marketing case. Will analyze when i get out

i have lvl 2 hogs not sure if that’s worth it

you got much better troops than level 2 hogs. lvl 3 dragons right?

yo sorry yah my army is kinda weak but i have barb king and Mad tactics

IMPORTANT PUT UR GODDAMN BASES INSIDE UR WALLS ALL THE WAY

someone call [redacted] and tell him to put his base

inside

his baby bro has to know that war bases are completely independent of what he sees on the screen

or [Redacted] is going to go overhead press his house while Trap Lord bench press reps his baby bro

[Redacted] i literally jizzed in my pants when i saw ur new base

you basically combined me and [redacted]’s bases to get a hybrid

i studied the greats its like me and [redacted] had a CoC baby

Who’s the fucker donating giants

and then make the rest archers and barbarians and send them all in after the tanks

are you familiar with that strategy?

bc if you dont know how to do it, then it can go awry very quickly

ya ive been studying it for hours

hey I will be attacking late – can I have troops for defense? whatever shit you don’t want

HAPPY 420!!!

Tell me if you guys need witches, hogs, golems, etc. for your castle

I’ll donate the rest of wizs. i got wizzies brewing

Guys can I just pay my dues to clash of clans next semester and get us a base so good we’ll be unstoppable

Raiding like fam fam

none of them are capable of hog rushing us—it all comes down to whether their other guys are online

2 minutes, holy shit balls

If they dont attack right now they wont have time

1 minute!

dude i think we’re good. congrats boys

Everyone satisfied with their loot?

no gimme more loot

i think we’re overthinking this

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