Campus Gossip, May 2015

POWER LUNCHERS

A note posted outside of Vine reads: “SORRY, WE HAVE TO CLOSE BECAUSE WE DON’T HAVE GAS DUE TO NEXT DOOR—OLLIE’S FIRE. SORRY AGAIN FOR ANY INCONVENIENT. MGT. VINE SUSHI”

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CUCR is switching their pizza from Famiglia to Dominos, starting next semester. Change is inevitable, it would seem. Meanwhile, at their election, CUIDs were checked at the door by a student bouncer.

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LET THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIME

A student’s Class Day award was revoked for their role in the planning of an unofficial Bacchanal event.

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Potluck House’s Facebook account was reported as not being a real person, causing it to be deleted. Word on the street is it was the doing of a rogue conservative.

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$400 went missing from the desk of a board member of Columbia’s American Medical Student Association chapter during a party. Leadership became convinced that someone at the party had stolen the cash. Party attendees were encouraged to chip in to cover the costs. Healthcare!

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Overheard at Liz’s Place: “If he fails me, I’m going to appeal it and he’s going to get fired because he’s an adjunct.”

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CRIES FOR HELP

When a student complained about a problem set in his econometrics class on the class Piazza, Professor Christopher Conlon wrote a 300-word response. Notable excerpt: “Sometimes the questions on problem sets can be difficult or vague. More often than not this is deliberate.”

A message from a poor soul who lives adjacent to the wrestlers in Ruggles: “Please send help. The beer pong tournament next door has been going on for 12 hours now. The beer is running six inches deep here, and steadily rising. The chanting is only growing louder, I hear ‘CHUG, CHUG, CHUG’ even in my sleep. We do not know when it will end, or if we will survive.”

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An ADP member stole a painting from St. A’s at their most recent party, themed “State of Nature.” Noble? Savages?

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RÉSUMÉ STUFFERS

A selection from Kappa Alpha Theta, Sigma Nu, and Alpha Epsilon Pi’s board titles: Human Resources Director, Exchequer, Chief Education Officer, Scribe, Chief Marketing Officer, Archivist/ Historian, Master, Chief Executive Officer, Eminent Commander, Chaplain, Lt. Commander, Marshal, Alt Panhellenic Delegate, Lt. Master, Ritualist, IT Director.

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Before a 2018 CCSC member arrived at Columbia, a New Jersey newspaper wrote: “When [the student] of Englewood goes to Columbia University […] he will be well armed in the fight against Apartheid Week and similar efforts to delegitimize Israel.” It ends: “[He] said that although the year-long internship has ended, his affiliation with StandWithUs [slogan: Supporting Israel Around the World] continues. ‘Now the alumni coordinator will help me with any programs I want to host on college campus,’ he said.” Cool.

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A U Senator (and Lion Laundry client), on why he thought he would win his election: “I’m a white gay male.”

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Time…it passes!

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