Campus Gossip, March 2014

BY NATURE

In Joe recently, a reporter was interrupted by this piece of reflection: “By nature, I just like, think all poetry is good. Like, the depreciation of words. Like even a bad poem still has amazing words.”

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PROBABLY TOO SOON

This year’s Varsity Show is being re-written as a dramatization of/reflection on the Theta controversy. The role of Katie Barclay will be reprised by Barclay, CC ’15, herself. Several sources expect the performance to be ugly and redemptive.

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GOTTA GET PAID

One member of Bo$$ $tatu$, the hip-hop collective that made a bunch of people angry in 2012, currently lists the group in the experience section of his resume.

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The Columbia Daily Spectator  has requested “cultural sensitivity training” from ROOTed, the IRC’s discussion facilitation team.

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In his seminar on Freud, Jonathan House shouted at the class in a fit of frustration: “When you were four years old, your uncle sucked your dick. And you liked it! ”

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Rumor has it that a soon-to-be-renowned campus news site has been created to provide the city with the world’s laziest student journalism: The Columbia Sloth. Eat brick, Bwog.

BRING OUT THE HEMLOCK

There’s a tomcat that lives in a storage closet of Woodbridge. Complaints have been submitted, and facilities has ejected him before, but every time he finds a way back in. Last week he started making an annoying racket, so a student called it in. Hartley sent an exterminator with a cage to take him away. We’ll see if that works.

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ANGER BE NOW YOUR SONG

Overheard from enthusiastic Theta pledge: “I mean, people throw toga parties, and that’s  not offensive?”

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The bar from Grisham Blake’s notorious Carman paint-party has been repossessed by Beta. It was installed in their basement on March 1. On that day, they became alcoholics.

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CLASH OF AWKWARD

In the Men’s bathroom on Butler 3 there, was a ten second stand-off between the man trying to force open what he thought was a sticky stall-door and the man inside, sitting on the toilet, who held the door closed with his forehead.

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SEA OF RANDOS

SEAS days on campus is reportedly the same weekend as Bacchanal. Mistakes were made, people are scrambling, and one administrator with more reco will probably be fired.

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Buzzfeed … it’s sucking you dry.

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